Sunday, April 25, 2004
And flowers suddenly appeared...
It's been emotional chaos since mom died. One moment everything is great, then I think of mom and it's huge crying. Thoughts of mom have multiple emotions. There are the "I'm so grateful she is no longer suffering. No more pain, no more suffering, no more pain, no more suffering. She's in heaven. She's right here with me right now, hi mom!" Those are the higher up the ladder thoughts. Then there are the inner child thoughts of, "I miss my mom!!!". Those are the 'burst into tears' perspectives. Multiple views, same topic, different emotions.
Went for a walk/exploration via the tunnel/creek under the bridge and into the canyon. Decided that mom was the last person I was trying to relate to in the ego world. The last investment in illuminating ego to light. Decided that I'm no longer vested in exploring or understanding ego. I am going back to just being me. A love being. The I AM. A point of presence of the G-dess on earth.
That first time that I became fully aware that when everything else dropped away I existed as love. After that I started to see the incredible mind-stopping beauty in light. Finding myself in a place of 'no-mind' accompanied by a rush of ecstasy when I looked at sunlight, I thought, "hmm.. I wonder if the reason people shut out the beauty is because if they fully saw it, they would be unable to think and wouldn't be able to have jobs and ordinary lives."
So at that time.. well there was a bit more, I started hearing divine guidance as a loud voice ripping across the heavens like thunder each time I asked myself a question, I also started seeing everything my philosophy teacher wrote on the chalk board, flash backwards through every assumption until it stopped at the first assumption, I had dull headaches, 2 different teachers from Naropa Buddhist Center came and met with me at college after questioning me, advised me to please return with them because I was a Buddhist master and I caused some mischief with my telekonetic powers that I felt I needed to rein in.
Well.. in reply to seeing so much beauty and being in a 'no-mind' state, I responded to sticking with 'mind'. Looking around, I thought it was the thing to do.
I found that the path of mind-ego leads to death. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt.
After a wonderful set of adventures that included a man and his dog, a hole in the fence, a magical forest and creek I returned home. There at my doorstep was a bouquet of flowers. Roses, lavender, and Easter lily's in a beautiful glass vase. No card, no note.
Experiencing/watching the Divine is about synchronism.
I had been thrown by the flowers at my mom's funeral and visitation. So many and from not only family and friends, but also from employers of family members and clients of family members. At the visitation I stared at them, wondering if I was suppose to as my company send flowers? I had never told any of my clients how ill my mother was, I really was holding onto a miraculous healing if possible all the way to the end. It went like this, "If mom can have a miraculous healing, being fully returned to vigor and health then DO IT!, If not, then let her pass over quickly." (Mom had asked people to pray for it to be over.)
So, back to the flowers. One of my friends in a clients office told me she was upset that I never told her how ill mom was and started saying how sorry she was for me. So, well of course, I break down crying... that was last week.. that's how last week was, bring up the subject and I'd start to cry. So, I asked her if she had known what was going on, did she think that her company would have sent flowers? She said defiantly!!! (I just felt, like I'd really like some flowers.)
As an additional note; I love the scent of Easter lily's and like to get them after Easter when they are like $1-2. I never found any.
So here is the beautiful bouquet: roses, lavender, and Easter lily's.
Now, I'm not thinking they materialized. I'm thinking that some where, some one, that is connected to me, got a divine impulse to bring me that exact bouquet.
I watch things like that.
I'm thinking they might have been from Kevin, who's pastor just suffered someone in his family passing away. It was a Sunday, Kevin would have gone to church. The pastor might of had a ton of bouquets like we did in Wisconsin, and he might have asked people to take some, like my step-dad was asking people.
So, in this case, the tracks of the Divine are not about something materializing from thin air, but about people acting as Divine agents in their daily lives. Listening, being guided, and acting out of love.
I take note of who the people are that act as the hand of the Divine in my life.
Back in Wisconsin I was taking these daily walks around our back roads. Our block is about 2 miles long. I was perched on the top of a hill overlooking the creek valley with my back to the road. Suddenly a thought comes in, 'you better get up right now and start walking'. Why I asked? 'Because you are about to get wet.' Well, up I stand, walking along the road, about 1 mile to go... then the rain starts. I'm watching an approaching car thinking, 'wouldn't it be cool, if someone from the house drove here to pick me up'. The car turns onto a side street. Buggers. Next set of light, SUV turns same road, window rolls down, 'Hey Sandy, get in!'. Yeah! Find out, my step-brother Lance was practicing with his band, (long live rock and roll), downtown where it was pouring. He got a sudden thought to call my step-brother Pat. Asked Pat where I was and he replied out taking a walk. Lance told him to go pick me up before the rain hit hard. Yah Lance. So, this time it was Lance listening to Divine guidance to get on the phone to Pat and have me picked up.
Went for a walk/exploration via the tunnel/creek under the bridge and into the canyon. Decided that mom was the last person I was trying to relate to in the ego world. The last investment in illuminating ego to light. Decided that I'm no longer vested in exploring or understanding ego. I am going back to just being me. A love being. The I AM. A point of presence of the G-dess on earth.
That first time that I became fully aware that when everything else dropped away I existed as love. After that I started to see the incredible mind-stopping beauty in light. Finding myself in a place of 'no-mind' accompanied by a rush of ecstasy when I looked at sunlight, I thought, "hmm.. I wonder if the reason people shut out the beauty is because if they fully saw it, they would be unable to think and wouldn't be able to have jobs and ordinary lives."
So at that time.. well there was a bit more, I started hearing divine guidance as a loud voice ripping across the heavens like thunder each time I asked myself a question, I also started seeing everything my philosophy teacher wrote on the chalk board, flash backwards through every assumption until it stopped at the first assumption, I had dull headaches, 2 different teachers from Naropa Buddhist Center came and met with me at college after questioning me, advised me to please return with them because I was a Buddhist master and I caused some mischief with my telekonetic powers that I felt I needed to rein in.
Well.. in reply to seeing so much beauty and being in a 'no-mind' state, I responded to sticking with 'mind'. Looking around, I thought it was the thing to do.
I found that the path of mind-ego leads to death. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt.
After a wonderful set of adventures that included a man and his dog, a hole in the fence, a magical forest and creek I returned home. There at my doorstep was a bouquet of flowers. Roses, lavender, and Easter lily's in a beautiful glass vase. No card, no note.
Experiencing/watching the Divine is about synchronism.
I had been thrown by the flowers at my mom's funeral and visitation. So many and from not only family and friends, but also from employers of family members and clients of family members. At the visitation I stared at them, wondering if I was suppose to as my company send flowers? I had never told any of my clients how ill my mother was, I really was holding onto a miraculous healing if possible all the way to the end. It went like this, "If mom can have a miraculous healing, being fully returned to vigor and health then DO IT!, If not, then let her pass over quickly." (Mom had asked people to pray for it to be over.)
So, back to the flowers. One of my friends in a clients office told me she was upset that I never told her how ill mom was and started saying how sorry she was for me. So, well of course, I break down crying... that was last week.. that's how last week was, bring up the subject and I'd start to cry. So, I asked her if she had known what was going on, did she think that her company would have sent flowers? She said defiantly!!! (I just felt, like I'd really like some flowers.)
As an additional note; I love the scent of Easter lily's and like to get them after Easter when they are like $1-2. I never found any.
So here is the beautiful bouquet: roses, lavender, and Easter lily's.
Now, I'm not thinking they materialized. I'm thinking that some where, some one, that is connected to me, got a divine impulse to bring me that exact bouquet.
I watch things like that.
I'm thinking they might have been from Kevin, who's pastor just suffered someone in his family passing away. It was a Sunday, Kevin would have gone to church. The pastor might of had a ton of bouquets like we did in Wisconsin, and he might have asked people to take some, like my step-dad was asking people.
So, in this case, the tracks of the Divine are not about something materializing from thin air, but about people acting as Divine agents in their daily lives. Listening, being guided, and acting out of love.
I take note of who the people are that act as the hand of the Divine in my life.
Back in Wisconsin I was taking these daily walks around our back roads. Our block is about 2 miles long. I was perched on the top of a hill overlooking the creek valley with my back to the road. Suddenly a thought comes in, 'you better get up right now and start walking'. Why I asked? 'Because you are about to get wet.' Well, up I stand, walking along the road, about 1 mile to go... then the rain starts. I'm watching an approaching car thinking, 'wouldn't it be cool, if someone from the house drove here to pick me up'. The car turns onto a side street. Buggers. Next set of light, SUV turns same road, window rolls down, 'Hey Sandy, get in!'. Yeah! Find out, my step-brother Lance was practicing with his band, (long live rock and roll), downtown where it was pouring. He got a sudden thought to call my step-brother Pat. Asked Pat where I was and he replied out taking a walk. Lance told him to go pick me up before the rain hit hard. Yah Lance. So, this time it was Lance listening to Divine guidance to get on the phone to Pat and have me picked up.
