Friday, May 27, 2005
Before I die
So here's the deal. I have never really done well with earthly goals. I've been part of MLMs where a person is coached to come up with a big economic goal and I've pretty much floundered. I am more about freedom than I am about possessions. Mostly I keep possessions at a minimum. I like a few quality things. I am pro senient beings and pro planet. I enjoy helping people, life, and the planet, but I am not on fire to do so.
Having mom cross over into the light last year has totally uprooted my focus. The last five years I was focused on mom, on creating an internet based income so I could be anywhere, on studying healing and becoming a Reconnection Healer, talking and sharing with her daily, figuring out what was up with Christianity, working with the Ascended Masters to 'command' a healing, trying to get at least my original powers of telekinesis to start up again, trying to Ascend as fast as I could so I could heal mom.
I think people give people a sense of identity. Mom held an identity for me. I held a 'helping my mom' identity for myself.
Now I'm zip.
So, with all the economic freaking that I was doing lately, the garnishment, food stamps, bankruptcy, counting of the Omar, red string stuff I got slammed into the center of my stream. I was looking at the duality in my mind. The inner calm connected to the Divine, which I'm visualizing as a small girl holding the hand of the Divine. And the ego torturing me with fear.
It dawned on me that there is only ONE thing that I am required to complete before I die. And that is ONENESS. Oneness with the Divine. I'm typing right now and I can feel the Divine, I am holding the hand of the Divine. The unconditional joy is right here pumping from my heart filling me. I've been given so much. So many experiences, so many realizations, so many awarnesses. I'm thinking that when I die the question given to me will not be, did you pay your rent? It will be, "DID YOU EXIST AS YOUR TRUE SELF?"
I don't know when I will die. Maybe tonight? Maybe Monday? Maybe in 80 years? So you know what? I better get to being my true self. It's my only goal.
The world of appearances comes and goes only the eternal world stays. The eternal world is where the unconditional happiness is anchored in. It's my guide and my rope. Time to climb.
Having mom cross over into the light last year has totally uprooted my focus. The last five years I was focused on mom, on creating an internet based income so I could be anywhere, on studying healing and becoming a Reconnection Healer, talking and sharing with her daily, figuring out what was up with Christianity, working with the Ascended Masters to 'command' a healing, trying to get at least my original powers of telekinesis to start up again, trying to Ascend as fast as I could so I could heal mom.
I think people give people a sense of identity. Mom held an identity for me. I held a 'helping my mom' identity for myself.
Now I'm zip.
So, with all the economic freaking that I was doing lately, the garnishment, food stamps, bankruptcy, counting of the Omar, red string stuff I got slammed into the center of my stream. I was looking at the duality in my mind. The inner calm connected to the Divine, which I'm visualizing as a small girl holding the hand of the Divine. And the ego torturing me with fear.
It dawned on me that there is only ONE thing that I am required to complete before I die. And that is ONENESS. Oneness with the Divine. I'm typing right now and I can feel the Divine, I am holding the hand of the Divine. The unconditional joy is right here pumping from my heart filling me. I've been given so much. So many experiences, so many realizations, so many awarnesses. I'm thinking that when I die the question given to me will not be, did you pay your rent? It will be, "DID YOU EXIST AS YOUR TRUE SELF?"
I don't know when I will die. Maybe tonight? Maybe Monday? Maybe in 80 years? So you know what? I better get to being my true self. It's my only goal.
The world of appearances comes and goes only the eternal world stays. The eternal world is where the unconditional happiness is anchored in. It's my guide and my rope. Time to climb.
