Tuesday, September 13, 2005
On the cusp
Here's the thing.
Knowing that everything is the Divine, comes from the Divine I have a hard time saying, 'help me' to people.
Its also the reason why when things are looking hopeless that I start ranting at the Divine. It's very much "Hey, I know You are all there is, so YOU need to show up as money!" "This is ridiculous!" Ok.. that kind of ranting. But I have a hard time asking people for help. Things like... I need cash, I need my car fixed, because way down deep I know its all perfect. I know that I am cared for and if finances suck, maybe its just because I'm being moved into a new situation. It feels like asking for help is like lying.
Then there's the thought, maybe I'm just too wishy washy and have to say, "Yes, I love living here, Yes I would like a new season ski pass, Yes I'd like my car and by that I mean my current car to work perfectly, Yes I'd like my dental work taken care of, Yes I'd like that cool fairy fountain/pond and the copper firebowl for outside, Yes I'd like to attend some cool workshops in San Diego, Yes I'd like to fly to Wisconsin for the fall colors, Yes I'd like my passport and to go to Iceland this fall, Yes I'd like to take that Christmas Riverboat cruise in Europe." Maybe I just need to say what I would like so it can manifest for me.
It's hard to ask for help when I'm blissed and know that everything is perfect.
Am I suppose to ask for help????????????
*sigh*
The thought came into my head last week to wait until 3 am and IM Frank. I did, he replied with come out to Vegas for the Prepaid VoIP conference. Next thought came in, contact JB see if he is coming to Vegas. Just got off the phone with JB, he's in Vegas doing meetings for the next two days and wants me to hook up with his crew when I arrive. Either one of these guys can change my financial picture in an instant. My largest current client is meeting with me next Monday on a contract proposal. That could change my finances in an instant. So, here I am getting evidence, immediate evidence that the thoughts I'm getting are correct. I think its perfect that I'm going to Vegas, because I feel like I'm gambling, betting it all.
It seems rude to yell at the Divine when you see the opportunities she's bringing. And still...
There's this thing about being in pain... being in huge pain and hearing yourself scream involuntarily. The scream just rips from your throat, you really can't stop it. I hate that kind of pain.
My car's solenoid is 'sticky' so when its hot it needs to cool down before I start. The drive to Vegas in 4.5 hours... I travel on coffee... I will be stopping. ;) I'm going to watch to see how the Goddess handles the solenoid. I didn't get anyone calling me back today that could install one... If I had more cash I'd rent a car. Just one of the perks of having cash.
I'm kind of thinking I have had way way way to much Buddhist 'desireless' training. I've been finding the path is not to be desireless, rather the path is to fulfill one's souls desires.
I love.
Knowing that everything is the Divine, comes from the Divine I have a hard time saying, 'help me' to people.
Its also the reason why when things are looking hopeless that I start ranting at the Divine. It's very much "Hey, I know You are all there is, so YOU need to show up as money!" "This is ridiculous!" Ok.. that kind of ranting. But I have a hard time asking people for help. Things like... I need cash, I need my car fixed, because way down deep I know its all perfect. I know that I am cared for and if finances suck, maybe its just because I'm being moved into a new situation. It feels like asking for help is like lying.
Then there's the thought, maybe I'm just too wishy washy and have to say, "Yes, I love living here, Yes I would like a new season ski pass, Yes I'd like my car and by that I mean my current car to work perfectly, Yes I'd like my dental work taken care of, Yes I'd like that cool fairy fountain/pond and the copper firebowl for outside, Yes I'd like to attend some cool workshops in San Diego, Yes I'd like to fly to Wisconsin for the fall colors, Yes I'd like my passport and to go to Iceland this fall, Yes I'd like to take that Christmas Riverboat cruise in Europe." Maybe I just need to say what I would like so it can manifest for me.
It's hard to ask for help when I'm blissed and know that everything is perfect.
Am I suppose to ask for help????????????
*sigh*
The thought came into my head last week to wait until 3 am and IM Frank. I did, he replied with come out to Vegas for the Prepaid VoIP conference. Next thought came in, contact JB see if he is coming to Vegas. Just got off the phone with JB, he's in Vegas doing meetings for the next two days and wants me to hook up with his crew when I arrive. Either one of these guys can change my financial picture in an instant. My largest current client is meeting with me next Monday on a contract proposal. That could change my finances in an instant. So, here I am getting evidence, immediate evidence that the thoughts I'm getting are correct. I think its perfect that I'm going to Vegas, because I feel like I'm gambling, betting it all.
It seems rude to yell at the Divine when you see the opportunities she's bringing. And still...
There's this thing about being in pain... being in huge pain and hearing yourself scream involuntarily. The scream just rips from your throat, you really can't stop it. I hate that kind of pain.
My car's solenoid is 'sticky' so when its hot it needs to cool down before I start. The drive to Vegas in 4.5 hours... I travel on coffee... I will be stopping. ;) I'm going to watch to see how the Goddess handles the solenoid. I didn't get anyone calling me back today that could install one... If I had more cash I'd rent a car. Just one of the perks of having cash.
I'm kind of thinking I have had way way way to much Buddhist 'desireless' training. I've been finding the path is not to be desireless, rather the path is to fulfill one's souls desires.
I love.
