Mystic musings

Anesthetized
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G-d saw the fire and the ice, the storm and the narrow straits that plague our final journey, and He knew that no soul could bear such pain. So He anesthetized our souls. Our love and fear, our sensitivity to anything G-dly -- all that was put to sleep. Only the very core, our essential connection to Above was left intact.

There is a positive side to this frozen state: The deepest wonders are open to us. Wonders that souls of an earlier generation would never have been able to approach out of awe and inspiration.

At the core of the wisdom of Torah lies an unbearable fire. We can walk through it now, without even knowing its heat.





A Daily Dose of Wisdom from the Rebbe
-words and condensation by Tzvi Freeman
Nissan 18, 5765 * April 27, 2005 "

14. Hallel - Praise | Chabad.org > How-To:

"The ancient rabbis clued us in on a key principle in cosmic functions: Whatever He tells us to do, He does Himself. Of course, there's a difference: We do it in our little human world. He does it on a cosmic plane.

He told us to open our door on the night of Passover. So, tonight, He opens every door and every gateway of the spiritual cosmos to every member of the Jewish People. To each one of us, regardless of what we have been doing all the rest of the year. Tonight is the chance to reach to the highest of spiritual levels. Prophecy, divine spirit, wisdom and insight--take your choice and jump a quantum leap. There's nothing stopping us."

13. Beirach - Bless | Chabad.org > How-To:

"The theme of grace after meals is confidence. Confidence in a Higher Force that is with us in our daily lives. With that confidence you don't just see food before you. You see a river of life travelling from Above onto your plate.

When we say this out loud, with joy and sincerity, we initiate a reciprocal current. The energy we receive is bounced back with even greater force, replenishing all the higher worlds and ethereal beings through which it passed on its way here. The channels of life are widened and their currents grow strong.

Miracles happen when Divine energy from beyond the cosmos enters within. Why did miracles happen in Egypt? Because we believed they would. Those who didn't believe in miracles saw only plagues. To see a miracle, you need an open heart and mind, open enough to receive the Infinite. That is the opening we make when we thank G-d for the miracle of our food."

12. Tzafun - Hidden | Chabad.org > How-To:

"In the Kabbalah, it is explained that there is something deeper than the soul. There is the body, the spirit, and then there is the essence. If the soul is light, then that essence is the source of light. If it is energy, then the essence is the dynamo. It is called 'tzafun,' meaning hidden, buried, locked away and out of reach.

Whatever we do, we dance around that essence-core, like a spacecraft in orbit, unable to land. We can meditate, we can be inspired, but to touch the inner core, the place where all this comes from, that takes a power from beyond.

On Passover night, we have that power. But only after all the steps before: Destroying our personal chametz, preparing our homes for liberation, the eleven steps of the Seder until now. Then, when we are satiated with all we can handle, connecting every facet of ourselves to the Divine, that's when that power comes to us. Whether we sense it or not, tasteless as it may seem, the matzah we eat now reaches deep into our core and transforms our very being.

In general, it is this way: Those things you find inspiring and nice may take you a step forward. But if you want to effect real change, you need to do something totally beyond your personal bounds."

8. Matzah Chabad.org > How-To:

The Zohar calls matzah "Bread of Faith" and "Bread of Healing". Did I say "faith?" Well, actually, that's a rather feeble translation. "Emunah" is the word in Hebrew, and it means a lot more than "I believe, brother!" Faith can often be something people rely upon when they don't care to think too much. Emunah is when you go beyond thinking and you get somewhere your mind could have never brought you to.

Emunah is when you touch that place where your soul and the essence of the Infinite Light are one. It's a point that nothing can describe. Where there are no words, no doubts, no uncertainty, no confusion--nothing else but a magnificent oneness before which all the challenges of life vanish like a puff of vapor.

Eating matzah is a means of plugging your entire self into that reservoir. Your physical body digests the Emunah of your soul, everything is integrated back into one, your body and spirit are whole and harmonious.

Finn, the kitten, for the last few days has been pulling the fabric down off the ceiling over the loft bed in the bedroom. I've asked him not to do it, he does anyway. The only choice I have left to me now is to keep the cats out of the bedroom while I'm not in there. *sigh*

Now last night after I had taken 40 minutes to get the ceiling fabric back up and I was blissing with my kitties on the futon in the living room watching watching what TIVO had waiting for me the thought came to me.

I love you Finn and I don't want you to keep getting into trouble with me, so I've removed your access from the bedroom, only allowing you access while I'm in there.

(The bedroom had been intended to give the kitties full access, I had a carpenter put a cat door in the bedroom door, and their food and drink towers are in there, plus it gives them a window onto the front deck, and has a cat hammock at the window.)

Ok, so just now while I'm in the bedroom putting the fabric back up a discussion of humans getting expelled from the Garden of Eden starts up in my head.

Here are the humans who the Divine loves, in the place that the Divine created with them in mind, having full access and lovely things for them and suddenly the humans start trashing the place. And the Divine says, whoa, what can I do? I don't want to hurt/punish the humans, I love them, but at the same time, they've already begun to trash the place, they are no longer trust worth, what else are they going to trash? So, I guess we need to expel them, because I don't want them getting into trouble with me and this is the only solution left.

This same scenario was happening when the Divine Presence was with the Jewish people in the desert. People kept dying and the Divine was saying, I am not going to be with you myself because I love you and you keep getting into trouble with me, so I'll have angel presence here instead until there is a way of having me here without you all dying.

hmm...

As a kid I use to think of this as a flaw.

My brother would work and work at provoking or hurting me until I finally reacted and then retreated into my locked bedroom. From the bedroom I'd plan to not play with him and to stay angry until... hmm... he apologized or the next day, whatever, some future tense.

Then as soon as the pain stopped... like my shoulder stopped throbbing, or I was relaxed enjoying my book, I would stop being mad and when my brother would call out to me to play, out I would come all smiling. I would think, this sucks, I can never stay mad, like staying mad was the goal, because that was the price my brother was suppose to pay for being mean to me, was to have me be mad at him.

hmm... ok, so it was a weird goal and one that I could never achieve, BECAUSE as SOON as the PAIN STOPS, I GO BACK TO HAPPY.

My mother, of Blessed Memory, would say that I was naturally happy. My father last October told me that I was always happy, always smiling.

Here's the deal. I'm pretty much winging life. I observe myself, check out what current theory's are, experience what others have to give, and then proceed forward using my inner guidance and analysis of what I have learned.

So, it came to me, when I'm in pain, I need to take care of it as fast as possible, figuring that once I deal with stuff the pain will subside and the bliss will return.

hmm... interesting, it seems to work, that seems to be a key for me.

Ok... so I've been having these uneasy feelings about my bank account. Even today when purchasing groceries had this 'what if there was no money in the account, what if the purchase wasn't approved.' Pushed it aside as a 'fear' thought. All week guess I didn't look at my bank account, though I was having thoughts and impulses to look at it. I kept pushing it aside as 'fear' thoughts and to let go, it's all good, the account is fine, there is plenty in there.

Well... half my money is gone. A seven year old credit card judgment jumped up and did a garnishment on on my bank account. Bank of America grabbed up the funds and took $75 out on top of it for their service fee.

Bank of America not only snatches my money, they charge me to snatch my money!

This is like when the Russian Mafia hit my bank account.

Well... its all the Goddess. I took what action I could tonight, (getting my remaining funds out of Bank of America), and will do what I need to do on Monday, i.e., drop money back in to cover auto bill pay and go file at the Justice Court to get my funds released.

You know... its all the Goddess... she is in charge of the finances and I watch her work. This feels like racing downhill and She has placed a tree in front of me. Time to turn.

There's a lot of Love, Light, and Angels about today.

Spring is reclined on the desk, walking on me purring and kneading over and over. I am blissed out, eyes open slightly.

Start this movie on Judaism.com on Rachel - The Red String, (I had just ordered one, I want to feel it, to experience what it feels like.. something that has been at the Tomb of Rachel.)

So the movie starts, I am petting Spring, interested in the movie. About a minute into it they switch to a song of "Mother Rachel Cry for Us Again, Wont you Shed a Tear for Us Again", and suddenly I start crying, huge deep cries, insatiable, unstoppable, movie continues, tears stop and I am left quiet. Crying and observing the crying. My Heart is plugged right into the Divine. 99 percent of the time the emotion that is flowing is unbridled Joy and Ecstasy. On a few brief occasions the emotion that flows in is Grief.

OK. ... I am thinking that is the energy of Rachel that I connected with.

Wow. She's crying, she's crying about her children, wow. I am thinking from that experience that She Stayed Here. Instead of moving into Lightness and Joy, she stayed here to comfort and plead for her children. She is crying so hard. If for no other reason than for love of Rachel, it is time to close this era and bring on Moshiach.

I wonder.. it feel like it would be too huge to visit the Tomb of Rachel... right now... it feels like if I were there I would either faint or weep uncontrollably... that was so intense.

Ok, watched it again, this time no crying. Right now, instead of being totally open and blissed out, I am vibrating in form, yet wary in mind, think I could visit the Tomb as long as I kept myself from being wide open receptive.

Faith came as a gift from above and lay nearly dormant within me. Nearly, I say, because even as an ember, it emanated enough energy to keep the search alive. Its hard to say whether its emanations served to push or pull, to seek or be found. Was it a source of motivation, continually driving me to find that which would set it free? Or was it rather like a magnet, constantly drawing to itself the source of its freedom?

I picture it somehow like a beautiful glowing gem covered with dirt, yet still possessing the power to shine. I picture it pulsating somehow, like a lighthouse, like a heartbeat, like the rhythmic in and out, on and off, here and there, now and then, dark and light of life.

Though I see it as a hard, solid thing, I feel it soft and timid. Though in my imaginings it is indestructible and eternal, I sense it fragile, vulnerable, needing protection. Though it seems perfect in every way, I feel the obligation, responsibility, the need to nourish it.

When I neglect my faith, when I take it for granted, eventually I feel sorrow and regret. Is that weeping I hear within? Can faith shed tears? And if it cries enough will it extinguish itself with its tears? Will its emanations cease, or is it only I who will cease to sense its emanation?

But faith, when I nurture you, when I tend to you, when I abandon myself--my mind, my heart, my will--to you, how you swell and rejoice. Is that laughter I hear within? Can faith laugh? Or is that me--or finally the lack of me--who has made room to hear the delight of life?


Jay Litvin was born in Chicago in 1944. He moved to Israel in 1993 to serve as medical liaison for Chabad's Children of Chernobyl program, and took a leading role in airlifting children from the areas contaminated by the Chernobyl nuclear disaster; he also founded and directed Chabad's Terror Victims program in Israel. Jay passed away in April of 2004 after a valiant four-year battle with Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma, and is survived by his wife, Sharon, and their seven children.

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