Mystic musings

Last week when I was struggling, tossing and turning inside myself, I had purchased "Healing with Fairies" by Doreen Virtue and read the part about receiving your desires having the fairies help remove blockages and the instruction Doreen received from Archangel Michael on receiving. Ok, so I soaked in the tub ... which I love ... and took a nap, ok so it ended up being more of going to bed early. My morning dreams were vivid and before I returned to consciousness I heard Archangel Michael say, "the only way you can fail is by giving up". "You are bringing it with you, you are carrying it, just show up and it's done."

Hmm..

Ok so I'm running with that thought now. That its not 'me' that is succeeding it is me acting as a vessel for the Divine.

Ok, so what if all the goals that I have are actually soul goals. What if all of those goals are already completed and I am just connected with them?

There is this portion I was reading on the last Jewish Holiday in the Torah, where God instructs people to come to the temple to give their first fruit and grain offering, etc. The instruction is, if it is far and difficult to bring your first fruits, etc., you should sell them, take the money and come to the temple and buy whatever your soul desires and eat and enjoy it at the temple, be it bread or meat or wine or strong drink, whatever you soul desires that you should do. (Something like that.)

Hmm.. G-d is saying we should give our soul what it desires? G-d is backing it? Hmm..

What if, by me staying in my soul consciousness, all of these desires are actually soul desires and G-d is actually fulfilling them as long as I stick to the goals and do not give up?

Ok, well, that's what I'm running with.

B"H
Inner Peace
-----------
The world is a place of constant change and unrest. Each point in time is distinct from the point before and the point after. Every point in space is its own world, with its own conditions and state of being. It is a world of fragments constantly rushing like traffic in anarchy.

Look at your own life: You do so many different things, one after the other without any apparent connection between them.

Inner peace is when every part of you and every facet of your day is moving in the same direction.

When you have purpose, you have peace.




A Daily Dose of Wisdom from the Rebbe
-words and condensation by Tzvi Freeman
Sivan 22, 5765 * June 29, 2005

Ok, more on the rock before I forget.

So, I'm asking the rock to clear me of the fear and pain of writing invoices.

The rock has me look for the originating thought from where the fear attached itself.

When I was little growing up my mother and father would fight verbally and physically. I would watch my mother confront my father on his fooling around with other women. Their voices would escalate, then there would be the sounds of the blows and the shrieking, slamming doors, running through the house, either mother fleeing or father departing. Mother bleeding, but not crying. (I did the crying alone in my room.)

I would ask mom not to provoke him, just leave it be. They were like gasoline and matches drawn together and explosive.

I drew the conclusion that conflict with anything more powerful than oneself should be avoided.

The rock sympathized and said, what has that conclusion created?

Me, I fear writing the invoices because I need the money from the clients and I do not want to create conflict. They are the 'more powerful' entity.

The rock, can you see how the fear of conflict has grown into something debilitating?

Me, yes.

The rock, the clients are not 'more powerful', the Source is providing for all of your needs, the clients are only conduits for Source to provide to you. The clients themselves are not the source.

Here's the what if.

Thought in my head. What if all I need to do is write the invoices and the Divine will have them paid. What if I am more powerful than I am feeling? What if I have been following the path of lies? How about I just appear and let the Divine do the rest?

Well, *cough* it's 3:33 PM and I have not started writing the invoices yet, so ah, guess, well you know, time to sign off. ;)

Been having this pain in my left shoulder/arm every since wearing the red string. *nod self* Anyway had Dr. L work on it, he had it pain free, then I felt the pain reappearing. So, Sunday I'm in this great mountain glen hugging this big, warm, loving rock... yeah, I'm like that... so I'm asking the rock if it can help with the pain and the shoulder if it please would and if any fairies would be so kind as to help that I would really appreciate it. I start dialoging with the rock, who directs me to find the source of my current blocks. Suddenly it spirals backwards to 'M' the 'Beware of the Guru' guru that I had for ten years, telling me that "I could not exist on my own". Just for the record, she's evil and spewed lies to gain power over people and situations, more on that in another section.

While my mother was alive in form, I was never alone. Mom would lend me 1K at a time when I had financial lows and I had a sense of safety knowing she was always there for me. After mom crossed over last year I just floundered, lost my purpose in life, lost my sense of self, lost the meaning of why be alive anyway in all this darkness, lost that sense of being loved, being connected to another person, being safe, being cared for.

So here I am, one year three months later, body in pain, financially bottoming out. (As a backdrop, my body almost never has pain and when I am working and billing my monthly overhead is paid in four days.)

So I'm asking the rock, how can I possibly have pain from guru 'M' connected in my form when all of that has been cleared. The rocks said, the body was cleared of connections to 'M' however, the mind was holding a 'thought program' one of 'you are unable to survive on your own'. Having taken the belief that once your mother crossed over you were alone, you initiated the program that you could not survive, which once activated freaked the body into protesting with pain and tightness. The rock and I reviewed 'M' who she really was, what she really was, and the two activating programs that I was dealing with that she implanted. While experiencing being back in time, back when 'M' delivered the program statements I asked Archangel Michael to bring an angel there to stop the program from being accepted. I saw Archangel Michael himself step in front of my being, back in time, and ward her off, commanding her to not approach me. Thanks.

Suddenly I felt like I woke up. I was back to being me. I sang some medicine songs to the area, it was like I forgot that I was a pipe carrying medicine woman among other things. It amazes me, it was like I was pretending to be so so so little, when I am so much more.

Ok, seems like figuring out how to drive this thing called ME has been a lifelong pursuit.

As a kid I found my family could do some things and lived in a knowing that we didn't speak of to others. I grew up knowing we lived in this BIG world and the regular person figured we lived in this much SMALLER world. I'm just so grateful that my family was in the loop and I wasn't just different and out on my own.

One of my favorite quotes from my father is "Rules are great, they are not for us, however they make people so predictable."

So here's the thing... I know I am LOVE in form. I know I'm a love being. I know everything is light and everything is ONE. I know we are assisted by light beings, those in form and those that are Angels, Fairies, Sprites, Guides, Guardians, and Family that has crossed over. I know I am the I AM.

So, knowing all of this... how do you drive? I've got my hands on the steering wheel and I've managed to drive off cliffs, drive into canyon walls, drive in and out of the ditch, crash into others, race smoothly, get my car to fly, and then forget to turn on the lights and drive into a bog.

I know I am getting perfect Divine Guidance. I know my life is magical and perfect. I know all my needs are being met. And then I'm three weeks late paying my rent. Pass due bills flood in. Cut off notices for the utilities appear. *cough* And.. yet I know that I'm creating my environment and everything is perfect, good, and fine. *sigh*

Ok, SO, HOW DO I DRIVE?

Hacking my Head

Lets say I am getting perfect divine guidance. There is plenty of evidence of it. So, how do I determine what is divine guidance and what is crap?

I seem to get two thoughts. The first one is to 'do' something. The second is a complaint, whining 'don't do' that something. I am going to jettison the second thought and label it as evil, i.e. anti-live. When the second thought enters my mind in stead of giving it consideration I'll just go, ok, and there's the whinnying thought. Lets see how it works. :)

B"H

Higher Truth
------------

There are many truths. There is a truth for every being and for every particle
of the universe --for each one reflects its Master in a different way.

To seek truth means more than finding your own truth. It means finding a truth
that works for you and for the other guy, for now and forever, in this place and
everywhere, for the body and for the soul, for the sage and for the young,
innocent child.

The higher the truth, the fewer boundaries it knows.





A Daily Dose of Wisdom from the Rebbe
-words and condensation by Tzvi Freeman
Sivan 13, 5765 * June 20, 2005

B"H

G-d in Exile
------------

We are imprisoned because we have exiled our G-d.

As long as we search for G-d by abandoning the world He has made, we can never truly find Him.

As long as we believe there is a place to be escaped, there is no true liberation.

The ultimate liberation will be when we open our eyes
to see that everything is here, now.





A Daily Dose of Wisdom from the Rebbe
-words and condensation by Tzvi Freeman
Sivan 8, 5765 * June 15, 2005

The Truth About the Baal Shem Tov | Chabad.org






The Truth About the Baal Shem Tov
By Tzvi Freeman

There are many myths and legends about the Baal Shem Tov. Even the most fantastic ones they say, are true -- because even if the didn't actually happen, the Baal Shem Tov was capable of making them happen.

But there's at least one myth that's not true. And it's probably also the most popular. It's the Modern Jewish Legend of the Baal Shem Tov.

To appreciate the Modern Jewish Legend of the Baal Shem Tov, you must first appreciate the Modern Jewish Legend of Judaism. Judaism, you see, is very nice. It's all about humanitarianism, ethics and the family.

So then, the Baal Shem Tov fits in very nicely. He told nice stories, and made people feel good about themselves by telling them that it wasn't really important as long as you're sincere and happy and nice to other people. (What exactly is not important is not clear. Something we forgot about a long time ago -- but the main thing is that it's not important.)

Years ago, as a music composition major at the University of British Columbia, I stood in a concert hall lobby at intermission, reverberating with awe in the wake of a powerful rendition of Beethoven's Violin Concerto starring soloist Yehudi Menuhin. I overheard two sweet old ladies discussing the performance. They said it was "very nice". I felt sick.

The whole legend, as I said before, is very nice. After all, who could have anything against humanitarianism, ethics, family and being nice? Certainly not any good modern American. You might want to call this Politically Correct Judaism -- fully equipped with a Politically Correct Baal Shem Tov.

Let's get this straight: There has been nothing more disastrous to Judaism than political correctness. The two approaches stand at mutually exclusive extremes. Political Correctness means not shaking the boar and keeping the peace. Judaism that makes peace with the world the way it stands now is not Judaism. And it has no chance of survival any longer than the waves of accepted social correctness will survive before crashing against the shore.

A case in point -- and perhaps the most painful one: There was a time when mysticism was considered irrational, bizarre, archaic and certainly not for the respectable, modern gentleman to be caught dead in. "Emancipated" and "Enlightened" Jews, therefore, denounced the Kaballa. They called the Zohar the "Book of Lies". They created a myth that the Kaballa was the creation of a lunatic fringe and was entirely grown from alien roots. They even went so far as to claim that Jews had never believed in Mystical union with the Ein Sof, reincarnation, life after death, meditation, etc., etc..

The Baal Shem Tov and the chassidic movement was a big thorn in the side of these politically correct Jews. Too mystical. Too far off the edge. And much too popular.

At first they tried to deny the Baal Shem Tov had ever existed. When that turned out about as believable as denying the existence of George Washington (one of the fathers of the "Enlightenment" had met the Besht face to face), they resorted to creating a new mythology that entirely distorted everything chassidic masters had ever taught.

That's how the Baal Shem Tov ended up being nice. A folksy, theological kind of Robin Hood.

Just how benign was this niceness? You need look no farther than our own generation. When we went to our parents and to our rabbis seeking out the spirituality for which our souls so much thirsted, we got the equivalent of a blank stare. Jews don't believe in that stuff, we were told. And if they did, sorry, there's nothing we can tell you about it. Just about ethics and humanitarianism. Nothing about souls.

So the most spiritual young Jews ended up on the other side of the planet searching for what their grandparents had rejected years before, and what their great-grandparents had basked in: nourishment for the soul -- a.k.a Mysticism.

Enough ranting and raving. Here are the raw facts:

Kaballa is as central to Judaism as the sun is to the solar system, as a heart is to a body, as Human Liberty is to America.

Judaism begins with the most mystical of experiences at Mount Sinai, where we "saw the sounds and heard the sights", and ends with mystical union of all of Creation with its Creator. Everything in between is driven by the drive to absorb the first mystical revelation in order to achieve the final one.

Abraham, Isaac and Jacob were mystics (go ahead, tell me that someone who speaks with angels is not a mystic), who practiced meditation in isolation in the pastures and received divine revelations thereby. Moses was a mystic. Prophets=Mystics. The sages of the Talmud were mystics, as is clear from many of the tales told therein. Since the time of the Ramban (Nachmanides) almost every classic Jewish scholar has openly espoused the teachings of the Kaballa.

Every classic attempt to explain Judaism in depth has resorted to mystical terms. Every such attempt over the last 600 or so years has resorted to the language of Kaballa.

Amongst Sephardic and Oriental Jewry the Zohar is at least as popular as the Psalms. Chassidism is entirely an outgrowth of the Kaballa of the Arizal - (Rabbi Issac Luria 16th Century). The great Lithuanian Mitnagdim" were great in Kaballa and justified their opposition to the chassidim and their dedication to scholarship in terms of Kaballa. Even the romantic/rational orthodoxy of Rabbi Samson Raphael Hirsch, et al, relies heavily upon the mysticism of Rabbi Chaim Atar, the Ohr Hachayim, and others.

The great masters of halacha, particularly Rav Yosef Karo who wrote the Shulchan Aruch and Rav Moshe Isserles who adapted it for Ashkenazim, also wrote books of Kaballa. It was the Vilna Gaon who wrote, "A rav who attempts to make a halachic decision without an understanding of the Kaballa will come to err."

As Rabbi Adin Steinsaltz recently put it, Kaballa is the official theology of Judaism. Furthermore, any attempts to explain Judaism in any other terms are bound to fall flat on their face. Halacha is the body, Kaballa is the soul. Just as you cannot explain the body without taking into account the inner psyche that fills it, so you cannot begin to explain the meaning and purpose of halacha without a knowledge of Kaballa.

Now, back to the Baal Shem Tov: To say the Baal Shem Tov was a simple peasant boy who began a popular folk movement is somewhat akin to saying that American Democracy was the product of some Daniel Boone types who were fed up with high-falooten British sophisticates.

The Baal Shem Tov was a student of the Kaballa of Rabbi Yitzchaak Luria, the "Arizal" -- as were so many of his contemporary scholars. It amazes me hoe so many authors could have imagined even for a moment that the teacher of so many great scholars -- such as Rabbis Yoseph Polnoye, Dov Ber of Mezritch, Levi Yitzchaak of Berdichev and others -- could have been any less a scholar himself.

He was involved from his early youth with a society of "hidden tzaddikim" who were scholars of Talmud and Kaballa and travelled about incognito in an effort to resurrect the Jewish life of Eastern Europe that was still licking its wounds from the tragic pogroms of 1648-49.

Most all of what the Baal Shem Tov taught can be traced back to ideas of the Arizal, especially as presented in the classic "Shnei Luchos Ha-Bris". These works were extremely popular in those days. What the Besht added was the sort of leap of intellect that typifies supreme genius -- the genius that disregards accepted conventions and normative world concepts. What Albert Einstein was to physics and Beethoven was to music -- and much, much more -- was the Baal Shem Tov to the human soul.

There were other mystics before the Besht who dealt with the simple folk. But to them life was a dichotomy: Their study of the mystic works was of one world, their dealings with simple folk in another -- a world affected by their mysticism, but very, very distant from it.

The Baal Shem Tov came and said, "These are not two worlds. They are intimately connected. The Kaballa of the Arizal has as much to do with the saintly ascetic as it has with the simple innkeeper or potato farmer who serves G-d with all his heart. As a matter of fact, in the simple, the ultimate simplicity of the Infinite Light shines best."

Here is the inside story as passed down from tzaddik to tzaddik until it was told to us by Rabbi Yosef Yitzchak of Lubavitch. This is what you call "getting it from a reliable source."

After all, you are you going to believe, a pompous German-jewish historian who conjures up history to fit to his promethean bed of 19th century world-concept -- or a brilliant tzaddik who would never let a word of untruth pass his lips and tells you he is reciting verbatim as a previous tzaddik told him? Aside from which, the tzaddik's version is so much more believable.

Here is the tzaddik's version, as he told it in the Baal Shem Tov's words:

On my sixteenth birthday, the eighteenth of Elul 5474, I was in a small village. The innkeeper was a Jew of quintessential simplicity. He knew his prayers only with difficulty -- he had no idea what the words meant. But he had a great awe of heaven and for everything that would occur to him he would comment, "Blessed be He, and may He be blessed for ever and ever" [believe me, it flows much better in the original --trans.]. The innkeeper's wife and partner had a different saying: "Blessed be his Holy Name".

On that day, I went to meditate in solitude in the pasture, as had been taught by the sages before us, that on your birthday you should meditate alone for a period of time. In my meditations I recited Psalms and concentrated on the yichudim of the divine names. ["Yichudim" are a form of kabalistic meditation based on different permutations and combinations of the divine names and attributes of G-d --trans.].

As I was immersed in this, I had lost awareness of my surroundings. Suddenly, I beheld Elijah the Prophet -- and a smile was drawn over his lips. I was very amazed that I should merit a revelation of Elijah the Prophet while alone. When I was with the tzaddik Rabbi Meir, and also with others of the hidden tzaddikim I had the fortune to see Elijah the Prophet. But to be privileged to this while alone -- this was the very first time and I was very amazed. Understandably, I was unable to interpret the smile on Elijah's face.

And this is what he said to me:

"Behold, you are struggling with great effort to focus your mind upon the divine names that extend from the verses of psalms that David, King of Israel composed. But Aaron Shlomo the innkeeper and Zlota his wife are ignorant of the yichudim of divine names that extend from "Blessed be He, and may He be blessed for ever and ever" that the innkeeper recites and "Blessed be his Holy Name" that she recites -- yet these yichudim make a storm throughout all the worlds far beyond the yichudim of Divine Names that the great tzaddikim can create."

Then, Elijah the Prophet told me about the pleasure G-d takes, so to speak, from the praise and thanksgiving of the men, women and children that praise the Holy One Blessed be He -- especially when the praise and thanks comes from simple people, and most specifically when it is ongoing, continual praise -- for then they are continuously bonded with G-d, blessed be He, with pure faith and sincerity of heart.

From that time on I took upon myself a path in the service of G-d to bring men, women and children to say words of praise to G-d. I would always ask them about their health, the health of their children, about their material welfare -- and they would answer me with different words of praise for the Holy One, blessed be He -- each one in his or her own way.

For several years I did this myself, and at one of the gatherings of the hidden tzaddikim they all accepted this path....

From finding the most mystical in the most simple of people, the Baal Shem Tov went on to find the most divine sparks in the most mundane, the essence of the One G-d everywhere and in every event.

May we merit the time when the truth of his wellsprings shall spread forth, without distortion, then the Age of Moshiach has arrived, may it be sooner than we all think.

There's this guy, JB. Two years ago we connected over some equipment sales. Up on the mesa I heard in my head, "JB is the Goddess's go to guy". hmm... after that JB hooked me up on selling off WorldCom assest, he sold an extra unit to my buyer and dropped an extra 20K in my escrow account, while I was on a Harley ride. He's sent me a laptop via FedEx first overnight to Maui so I could save pics from my digital camera. He paid for my suite in LV during a tech show. He made me part of the family, set me up with some db work. And today we speak again for 1st time in 2 years. I asked him if I could travel the world with him. "Sure, we can set something up. We are going to the Dominican Republic in four weeks to do an install." Great! I'll get my passport!

Thank you Goddess! Thank you for your light beings. Thank you for your love beings. Thank you for JB.

I've been psyching myself up to write this invoice for RPI and get paid. The invoice is for work done back in July and August of last year. At the time, I was dealing with the grief over mom's passing. I got myself into this place where I loved helping people and I hated charging for it. During the time I was doing the work I was invoicing them for stuff I had done 2 months earlier. Then once I had enough money to get by with, I started putting off invoicing. Ok, now I need to still pay my rent for this month which was due on the 1st, I have a shut off notice on my electric and I'm still sitting here, stuck, not writing the invoice. Well.. I started with ganking the papers together. I was pep talking myself before I started with 'come on, ya think I can't write an invoice, ya think it's too hard for me? Let me at it!'. Now I'm working on it and now I know why I was putting it off.

It physically HURTS to get this invoice together. It feels like my body is in a vice. There's sharp pain running up and down my back. My neck is crunched. Feels like there are holes venting out my guts with flaming lava.

What the heck is this all about?

It's one thing to feel upset and nervous when delivering an invoice for payment. But hey! I'm in my office, my cats are here, got TiVo in the background, it's all good.

Part of it is this feeling of doom. I didn't keep track of the hours in one place and have to create calendars, sift emails, check my Franklin Planner, and sort through all the written material to find where I was jotting down the hours. Plus I'm a perfectionist.

Maybe, my body is just really sensitive to energy?

I spend time on the futon with the cats watching TiVo and sensing the joy rush. I notice it more deeply in the skin than in organs. So I'll be focused on moving the rush up and down my body, like moving a whirlpool jet up and down my body. I call them ecstasy crunches. Like millions of little joy rush bubbles tickling up and down me.

So, now that I'm facing what part of my mind is yelling DOOM about, perhaps my body is listening to it and responding with constricting everywhere?

Well, it freaking hurts. I'm going to grab some ibruprophin and see about toning down this body feedback.