Mystic musings

Distributing Truth
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Before, there was a hierarchy of truth. The high priest of Egypt had the real truth. The scribes had secrets of the truth. Their initiated students had inklings. The people wallowed in ignorance.

Moses, the revolutionary, changed all that. At Mount Sinai, all men, women and children, princes and commoners, priests and workers, had to be present. All received the same truth, all at once. Even the priestly rites were made public knowledge.

Before, power and authority was based on withholding knowledge. In a Torah world, authority is established through universal knowledge.





A Daily Dose of Wisdom from the Rebbe
-words and condensation by Tzvi Freeman
Elul 25, 5765 * September 29, 2005

Ok, so I did the Las Vegas meetings, no fast cash.

Contacted the person I broker with in California, he wants me to drive out, stay at his new corporate house, get trained on the new VoIP packages, and liquidate his warehouse. There's over 200K in it and I'd have free rein on it. Only I am now down to barely getting by economically. All my credit cards are bumped against their roofs. One just did a annual fee and over drafted the card which then they added another $35 to cover what they over drew. So I had gotten the idea to ask the So Cal guy to front me 2.6k. Asked him during an IM session... he said no. Just come out here when you can. *sigh*

Meeting with the local large client to finalize a monthly contract got postponed and now it looks like he is out of town for the next two weeks.

The ski season passes are due this Friday before the rates go up.

The local large client is also working with me on a large custom software package to write for them.. that money is at least 2 weeks away.

So... I am holding off on all purchases, including groceries. And I'm wondering... why the frell is all the money just out of reach????

I'm wondering, do I leave here? Go back to Wisconsin? Move in with my step dad?

If I don't get my season ski pass, then perhaps I should just leave. Its like the place is no longer supporting me.

Granted I have invoices to write. I hate writing invoices. It's 3:23 AM and this is the only task on my desk for the entire day. I just keep putting them off. Now I've got Mt. Dew and starting some stir fried rice. It will probably be 4am before I start going over invoicing. Already canceled the meeting I have tomorrow with my programmer at noon.

I pretty much feel done. Put a fork in me, I'm done. I no longer fear going back to Wisconsin and moving in with my step dad. I'm a third owner in the house and the house is a small palace. I'm just done with the struggle, done with the fear, done with the resistance. Done.

B"H

Absolute Values
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For mankind to exist in harmony, we must listen to the voice that Noah heard after the flood.

We must accept that there is a set of absolute values set by the Creator of the world, values that cannot be played about with to suit our convenience.

Values from beyond the subjective minds of men.





A Daily Dose of Wisdom from the Rebbe
-words and condensation by Tzvi Freeman
Elul 21, 5765 * September 25, 2005

B"H
Unpraying
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Do not pray.

Prayer means there are two entities, one entity petitioning a higher one.

Instead of praying, connect. Become one with your Maker, so that divine energy will come through you and into our world to heal the sick, to cause the rain to fall...


A Daily Dose of Wisdom from the Rebbe-words and condensation by Tzvi FreemanMenachem Av 20, 5765 * August 25, 2005

B"H
Uncharity
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Do not give charity.

Giving charity means being nice and giving away your money. But who says it is your money to begin with?

It is money put in your trust, to be disbursed for good things and for others when they will need it.

Change your attitude. Instead of doing what is nice, do what is right. Put the money where it belongs.

A Daily Dose of Wisdom from the Rebbe-words and condensation by Tzvi FreemanMenachem Av 19, 5765 * August 24, 2005

There's this new thought, "Static Free".

After the thoughts on perfect receiving another thought came in about 'static'.

I am walking around Vegas with this 'entourage' of angels and light beings. Then a fear pops into my head. A new thought pops in my head and goes, 'this event you are imagining has not happened, you are creating static in your own field.'

I love X-Men cartoons on the Tune Disney and ABC Family channel.

There was an episode with Ephod... whatever the name... where he got out of his confinement on Muir Island. As he went through a town the perceive reality around him would twist and conform to his will. When he left the zone it all would snap back to as before. Instead of walking he created a wave of the earth, standing on the waves crest he was propelled along.

So, I'm in Vegas and I'm thinking bugger... missed JB, thinking about him traveling with an etourage, then a thought pops in. "Put your mind in the truth of your reality, you have an Entourage of Heaven with you always."

hmm

So, I start imagining angles surrounding me, one in front, one behind, one on each side, then I start filling in with light beings. Then I become a crowd of light beings with myself in the center. I also start asking for 3 light shields, inner is white, then green, then violet. So now I'm this light crowd walking through Vegas. I feel so at peace. I feel so elegant.

At the conference I felt so comfortable, so at ease. I had people telling me how 'interesting' I am. I get that a lot and then I forget it. There was a long line at the free Starbucks station.. tech conference.. coffee... of course. I get drawn to a new section.. another Starbucks station.. no line. YES!

While examining Frank's new VP of Operations I find myself describing myself as one of a small handful of brokers that liquidated the WorldCom assets. That's true, I made over a years income in six hours. ;)

I was making deals with interesting people. Then it was time to grab water bottles, more Starbucks, and consider the rest of the day.

I had awaken at 2:30 AM, got on the road at 5AM... I still do not 'get' time, got into Vegas at 9:20 AM, missed the meeting with JB, put on my game face, played at the Star Trek zone at the Hilton, made friends with alien life forms, hehe, did the conference from noon - 4PM.... oh ya, found myself explaining electric generation of PVC and wind parks to a gal who wants me to do some energy projects, then I crashed out on a chair in the lobby, only to be adopted by a hotel employee who wants to bring me a sandwich and tells me of his new career starting in radio.

So, I take my tour of Vegas, all the while having this 'Entourage' with me. At one point I was thinking, it would be nice to be with someone or a group of friends instead of solo. The 'realization' back to that thought was that I was surrounded by nice people. I couldn't pitch a penny without hitting someone that was nice and interesting. To prove the point I started having a conversation with the couple next to me. Husband and wife visiting from NJ. Nice people, interesting stories.

While walking with the Entourage in my consciousness everything was smooth. Its like having my own 'warp' field. Like I was in Heaven, walking and as long as I was there it was Heaven rules, when I walked away it could go back to what ever it was. Just like the X-man character.

That's when I got the thing about 'static'. I was thinking something like "I would like one of those golf ball sets." Then the negative little voice jumped in and started chatting like, "Maybe you have to fill out a card for one, or maybe they will ask you if you are a presenter, or.. blah blah."

That is when this huge powerful, calm, peaceful thought came in, and thought, "You are creating your own static field." "This is an energy field, an intention field, it is flowing smoothly. You are creating your own negativity in the field, your own static. You are creating it with imagine events and scenarios that have not happened nor will they every happen. You are filling your creation zone with Static."

I am watching to not create static.

I've tried the 'do not let me think negative thoughts'. That doesn't seem to have much power. So instead I've switched to "More light Goddess, More YOU!" And "Entourage!" And, "Shields UP" "White, green, violet".

It was the "Entourage" that I took with me on the ski lift ride at Snowbowl. Riding up I hear a man comment to his wife, "She looks peaceful". I turn and smile. Mentioned the kids yelling out to me. I took the Entourage to the Garden Nursery where I went to the Koi pond, only to have the Koi follow me everywhere... new behavior. And I have the Entourage here right now... ah.. ok I'm getting the message there are things I need to do.

Love you all!

Ok, so I go outside to unpack my car from Vegas and who comes over to play? Cute little neighbor kids.

Go to the curb and scatter french fries for the ravens and who comes over to play? The glass artist from La Cross, WI, with an invite to a Packer party 'he's grilling brats' of course.

Head back to the door and who is waiting to ambush me with squirt guns? Cute little kids from the next apt complex. BTW I saw them hiding and foiled the ambush. Yeppers I'm still dry. hehe

I don't know.. its suddenly like there is this light on.

One light is defiantly the flower baskets and the herb garden.

Once I put up hanging flower baskets I started attracting hellos and conversations from people in the neighborhood and people walking and riding their bikes by the apt. Having a verdant balcony is like putting out a 'hi, I'm a love being' calling card.

I love.

Right now, I am constantly receiving bliss. Ok, so I know that the Divine is right here showing up as unconditional happiness. Here's the thought that came. What if to have financial abundance I don't have to ramp up and be in warrior mode. What if what I need to do is to receive perfectly? So, if everything is the Divine, everything, everything, everything, everything, and I am all ready feeling this incredible flow of bliss which grows stronger the more I focus on it... what if... financial abundance is the same thing? What if I focus on my lower chakra, like on my second chakra and feel the joy building there? Here's the thing that opened the unconditional happiness big time. I asked, beg, pleaded, implored the Divine to do it for me. To keep me conscious longer and longer. Once I found the new reality it was like I was there then I'd forget, then I was there, then I would forget again. So I kept asking God to please keep me in Divine Conciousness because on my own I kept falling asleep. And.. She did. So... what if.. I ask the Divine to tune me into perfect unconditional financial abundance? So this is what I'm asking. This is my current place of being.

I am a metis pipe carrying medicine women. In that training there is 'father sky' and 'mother earth'. In Kabbalah, I'm also a Kabbalist, there is the Divine as male aspect that unites on Shabbos with the Shehinah the female aspect. There is also the story of Genesis, where the female was created after the male. Malbim states that that which is created later is closer to the Divine and when things are messed up that the former rules over the later and all is in chaos. The female holds the key to the male's connection with the Divine. Ok. So. Since the Divine is the Source and I am born a female which is to be connected directly to the Divine and the model of the female is receptive, then perhaps it is really as easy as the Divine provides and I receive.

hmm... wonder what kids see when they look at me? The kids look like love beings, like playmates, friends, confidants. But what do they see?

I've got kids leaving their parents to find me at the grocery store. I've got kids at hotels leaving their parents to start games of hide and seek with me. Kids coming up to me starting conversations when I'm out and about. Kids I have never met yelling to me when I walk down the street, yelling hello. Yesterday I was doing the Snowbowl summer ski ride, (riding the ski lift), looking down at the beautiful plants when a chorus of little boys in an oncoming ski lift chair started calling out to me to chat and play.

At a house party I went into a friends room to check out a loft bed I had given her. In piled all of the kids at the party to find out what I was up to. Ok... I knew one kid there and now I have all of the kids around me, well of course I want to play, I love to play, so while I'm playing my friend looks at me saying, "Wow, you really are a kid magnet."

Here at my apartment the kids in this block follow me around, come to my apartment to hang out, chat, play, explore. Like, how to feed the fish, or turn on the cherub fountain, water the plants, climb the loft bed, run cartoons on TiVo, play with the kitties.

hehe... I was just thinking of when I'm back in Wisconsin around all my nephews and nieces and little cousins, it's so fun

So I love kids, they are my best friends... but how do they know that?

Daily Extended
September 19, 2005


All your schemes and dreams are falling neatly into place, so now is the perfect time to pack up all your troubles and ship 'em out to sea. Normally decision-making confounds you, which leads to procrastination, but to resolve this problem, all you have to do is stop doubting your instincts. You're on the brink of a brand-new epoch of your life. Wonderful adventures await, exotic locales beckon, and your plans are on a major upward swing.

1 AM went down to check on car... hmmm... there is still a leak on that hose. After crawling under the car and staring unblinkingly at the hose I saw a drip form. *sigh* Ok, that's enough energy on that. Back up the hill home, making dinner ... and possibly road trip food ... and calling it a night.

Rats. If I had money right now, I would have rented a car... You know... this isn't getting more energy. Stuff happens and it wants to have an emotional response. It just is. I'm not milking it an emotional response. It just is.

Ok, so I settle down to some quality TIVO and the thought comes popping into my head. "Come get me, I'm ok." Then a bunch of little, "Go get your car" thoughts coming popping in. Suit up for the outdoors, wolf down some chips and milk, tell the cats to wish me fun and out the door I go.

Sure enough, the gas leak has stopped. Its mostly all dry with just a 2" band of wet gas on the hose. Let the gas station attendant know I'll be back and here I am.

What I would like is to work more with Divine Guidance. The information coming in is perfect. The confusion comes from me trying to figure it out, or pushing it aside. Its like.. my thinking is vulnerable it can be correct or incorrect it's human thought. Then there is guidance, which is spot on perfect. Just like bam, here's the information, now execute it. I strive to be totally guidance driven. Leave the mind quiet and when the guidance comes in, just do it.

Well, think I'll cuddle with kitties for a bit and then see about driving the car back up here.

Maybe I am going to Vegas. hehe

Ok, how is this for Divine Interpretation class 101.

We know the starter solenoid is 'sticky' i.e. when the car is hot the car will not start, so I can't shut it off get out do stuff get back in and drive. Will have to wait for the car to cool each time I get out.

Now, filled the tank to the very very top, thinking ok, perhaps we will try to make it all the way to Vegas without stopping.

The smell of gas permeating the interior of the car when I came back to it from being inside the station. Look under the car... GAS!!!! A puddle of gas has formed. I can see it leaking down.

Push the car over to the retaining wall and leave it parked.

My brother, on the phone from Chicago, "How many signs do you need before you decide maybe you shouldn't drive to Vegas?" Me, "huh?" Bro, "Maybe you are being given a message not to go, maybe something worse is on the way if you go." Me, "huh?" Bro, *laugh*.

Jerry, the auto guy, "I'll be over in the morning and we'll take care of it". Me... "hmm.. "

Ok, Divine Interpretation 101. Am I not to go, or am I to be more clever in making it happen?

*shurg*

I'll check my car again in a half hour... it's still at the gas station 5 blocks away.

Here's the thing.

Knowing that everything is the Divine, comes from the Divine I have a hard time saying, 'help me' to people.

Its also the reason why when things are looking hopeless that I start ranting at the Divine. It's very much "Hey, I know You are all there is, so YOU need to show up as money!" "This is ridiculous!" Ok.. that kind of ranting. But I have a hard time asking people for help. Things like... I need cash, I need my car fixed, because way down deep I know its all perfect. I know that I am cared for and if finances suck, maybe its just because I'm being moved into a new situation. It feels like asking for help is like lying.

Then there's the thought, maybe I'm just too wishy washy and have to say, "Yes, I love living here, Yes I would like a new season ski pass, Yes I'd like my car and by that I mean my current car to work perfectly, Yes I'd like my dental work taken care of, Yes I'd like that cool fairy fountain/pond and the copper firebowl for outside, Yes I'd like to attend some cool workshops in San Diego, Yes I'd like to fly to Wisconsin for the fall colors, Yes I'd like my passport and to go to Iceland this fall, Yes I'd like to take that Christmas Riverboat cruise in Europe." Maybe I just need to say what I would like so it can manifest for me.

It's hard to ask for help when I'm blissed and know that everything is perfect.

Am I suppose to ask for help????????????

*sigh*

The thought came into my head last week to wait until 3 am and IM Frank. I did, he replied with come out to Vegas for the Prepaid VoIP conference. Next thought came in, contact JB see if he is coming to Vegas. Just got off the phone with JB, he's in Vegas doing meetings for the next two days and wants me to hook up with his crew when I arrive. Either one of these guys can change my financial picture in an instant. My largest current client is meeting with me next Monday on a contract proposal. That could change my finances in an instant. So, here I am getting evidence, immediate evidence that the thoughts I'm getting are correct. I think its perfect that I'm going to Vegas, because I feel like I'm gambling, betting it all.

It seems rude to yell at the Divine when you see the opportunities she's bringing. And still...

There's this thing about being in pain... being in huge pain and hearing yourself scream involuntarily. The scream just rips from your throat, you really can't stop it. I hate that kind of pain.

My car's solenoid is 'sticky' so when its hot it needs to cool down before I start. The drive to Vegas in 4.5 hours... I travel on coffee... I will be stopping. ;) I'm going to watch to see how the Goddess handles the solenoid. I didn't get anyone calling me back today that could install one... If I had more cash I'd rent a car. Just one of the perks of having cash.

I'm kind of thinking I have had way way way to much Buddhist 'desireless' training. I've been finding the path is not to be desireless, rather the path is to fulfill one's souls desires.

I love.

B"H

Feminine Future
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Changing the world is a twofold task.

Bringing spirituality into the world is principally the man's task. Elevating the world to become spiritual is principally the woman's task.

Men, generally, are meant to deal with the present. The future -- and those who will live within it -- is in the hands of the women.





A Daily Dose of Wisdom from the Rebbe
-words and condensation by Tzvi Freeman
Elul 9, 5765 * September 13, 2005

Here's the thing. I know that everything is good. Even when I hate something, I see the good. I feel like the slow kid in some kind of cosmic school. Something looks sucky and I yell 'how could you!' then shortly after I see the really wonderful thing that happened because of the 'sucky' thing... and all I can say is.. ah sorry for making such a fuss.. I know that You are taking care of me and that nothing can happen to me except through You... I so so apologize for forgetting this so quickly.

Its like there are battling matrix's in my mind. There is one matrix which is a world view where few things are connected.. that one says... "you car will not start, now you have to walk a mile or so.. and you are late... and they will be pissed that you are late. "

The other matrix.. which is the one that is actually perfectly accurate.. well you know what.. that one is usually very quiet.. but anyway what it says is, "grab your water bottle, get walking, it's perfect."

So here's what happened...

Week before last I hear on Wednesday, 'This day is for you, we are caring for you, you need to receive." I think I'm driving over to a client's office, she changes the appointment and my afternoon is open. hmm.... "This day is about caring for me?" "YES".

Ok... I call Dr. L and see if I can get an appointment today. Yes.

Take a bath.. bugger.. I'm going to take longer than I said. (It's a 75 minute drive.)

"It's OK"

Driving.. wow.. it's all so beautiful. Get to Dr. L's. Find out he left with his wife 20 minutes ago... right when I was scheduled to arrive.. hmmm... Is this day still about caring for me? "YES".

Wait a half hour, read a great article on nutrition for depression, note to self, more vitamin's , more B, more Omega-3. I had decide I would wait exactly one half hour... this is in Dr. L's home and an elderly woman in a sun dress is waiting in the living room with me, think she is his mother-in-law, I don't want to unduly bother her. So away I go... hmm.. stop at the Wal-Mart Super Store for cream. I go in, feel compelled to turn to the right and walk smack dab into Dr. L.

Nice.

He tells me to do my shopping and then come over.

Do.

Get to car, it will not start. Yell at the Divine that it's not OK with me. (I'm an idiot.. it was perfect.)

So... after striding fast for nearly a half hour, lots of oxygen, lots of vital circulation. Now I see him... yah, he had no problem with the time I arrive. Well, now that I'm totally pumped, he is able to do fantastic body work on me. The pain in my left foot from the level 3 sprain last October is completely taken care of. 90% of the pain in the left arm is gone. Now here is the huge thing. He freed up my shoulder blades. My torso is totally liberated. To me it feels like my wings are unfurled. My body moves differently, I sit upright... very upright. My head is connected differently. My thoughts are faster and brighter.

Once Linda said she would be 'my bank' it's like a cloud lifted from me. The downward economic suicide was over... now its like I have awaken again. I've been looking around, wow, I've got stuff strewn all over the rocks. But the sinking fear is gone. When I was freaking over my grocery receipt, instead of that fear voice being able to pull me into the black inkiness of the abyss, I tossed back at it, Linda will take care of it. *Poof* popped the fear's balloon.

Now the thoughts entering my mind are discussing 'making better choices'. My food intake is changing. That's where I first heard the 'making better choices' in my head. I was thinking... thirsty... soda, thought came back 'thirsty=water' and water I had. I've been noticing that when I am hungry I start making poor food choices, more of the prepackaged type. The new energy is interviewing when I go for a snack and exchanging a salad instead.

Ok, bottom line. Unconditional happiness is not a product of my conditions. Just to clear that up. Currently I've just throttled through what... a year and a half of grief/depression after my mother crossed over. All the while the rush of happiness is still singing loud and clear through my beings. Then there is the economic/survival crunch, having the garnishment from the aftermath of the evil business partner, I'm down at the economic bottom, I now qualify for food stamps and I have enough in the bank to cover me through the week, my car needs a starter solenoid, etc. So there we are. Just in case anyone would like to say, 'But you are bathing in happiness because everything in your world is GREAT'. FYI, its not... but then again it is ;)

That said. I am now doing a fast economic recovery.